LAST LAUGH - EPISODE 7

EPISODE 7: MY DECISION

I was lucky not to miss any paper as I recovered quite quickly. The exams began on a hot note with lecturers having their best moments (“Laughing at students who had no clue about what they were writing”). My exams lasted for about two weeks. I had decided to lay low for the sake of my exams; I sure was determined to pay Otedo back. On the final day of my exams, I was moving towards my exam menu when someone grabbed me by the arm; “If I see you anywhere near my babe, that one wey I give you na demo, wetin I go do you, you no go live to tell the story”, he concluded and then left with the three guys with him; Otedo has certainly become a torment for me. On a good day, I knew I could give that guy the beatings of his life!. “Don’t worry nigga, I will give you what you are looking for after my exams” I thought within. It was a successful final exam and everyone was filled with excitement. I was glad and felt it was time to put my plans into action. I called Eric (one of Goshen’s roommates), and we agreed on where to meet. I had always known that Eric was in the game but never thought I would involve his services. He had promised to help me out but on the condition that I joined the “brotherhood” as he called it. The anger in me was still very fresh, I wasn’t even done nursing the injuries I sustained from the beatings; I was being warned to stay away from a girl who wasn’t interested in him anymore. “That guy must pay”, I kept saying to myself, not knowing what I was about to go through just to become a member. Eric called me later in the evening or should I say night and directed me on where to meet him. I was not able to find a cab that faithful night so I trekked for close to an hour before I finally met him. We then trekked further another long distance for over an hour before getting to a thick bush from which I could see a light like a camp fire or something shining from a little distance from where we were. When we finally got to the venue, I was shocked at the number of people I saw there. They played drums and shouted to the rhythm of the music in the dark like they were preparing for a war. After more than an hour of singing, the whole place fell into great silence for close to thirty minutes. Someone finally came to the centre of the gathering and ordered the recruits to come to the centre; each with their sponsors. I felt a little at ease when I saw that I wasn’t the only newbie in the gathering; in fact, we were quite many. Our sponsors were each given a red piece of cloth to use as a blindfold on us from which every other thing I will say now was what I felt and not see in the two hours for which I was blindfolded. Loud music filled the air once more and I can remember drinking something that tasted very strong and almost made me throw up. That was actually the least of my problems; my real problem came when our shirts were forcefully torn from our bodies and we were told to lie on our bellies. What I felt on my back from the next moment is all I can tell you about that night. This is because I woke up in the hospital with Goshen, as usual, sitting by my bedside. “Guy, the doctor said you were brought in here by a good Samaritan who found you lying by the road side almost dead. He said you were attacked by a group of bandits!” Goshen spoke. I hissed in pains as I know the real story behind the matter. “I told Eric to help me and he almost gets me killed”, I thought to myself. Everything seemed wrong and my anger level was increasing on my hospital bed. I wished I could just get up and strangle Eric, and then Otedo!; but they were all wishes and I had to get off my bed first before anything else. On my second day in the hospital, my phone rang and when I picked, I was instructed by an unfamiliar voice to get my parcel at “Area 24” the next day. Was this guy okay, I am in the hospital and someone is telling me to come and pick my parcel at what?...”Area 24”, this guy is sick! I thought to myself. “Sorry bro, wrong number!”, I retorted. “Dejuma!, go and pick your parcel!”, the voice shouted back. So this wasn’t a wrong number after all, but what and where is “Area 24”? I thought. Before I could ask any further questions, the caller hung up. Where the hell is this place and how can I get there? What is the package this guy is talking about? I am about to find out.

ATTENTION: Sincere apologies for the delay in posting, it was due to some unavoidable occurrences. Thank you. (The remaining episodes will be posted in my next update to make up for absence!!..Stay tuned!!!)

LAST LAUGH - EPISODE 6

EPISODE 6: TOUCHING THE LION’S TAIL

Goshen met me at his place about 30 minutes later. He told me a group of guys had confronted him earlier on asking my where about. “I told them you were still in class and dashed off to look for you the moment they left me” he concluded. We were still talking about the situation at hand when we heard a loud bang at the door! Oh no, could this mean these guys traced me to Goshen’s place; I thought to myself. The banging on the door continued but we kept mute. It was not coming from one person as we could hear several footsteps moving about the corridor. “If you don’t open this door! If you let us come in by force! You will regret it! I could feel the chills run through my spine. Now we were about 5 of us inside the room. “Should I go?” I stammered faintly to the others in the room. Those guys were amazingly too confident (the three other guys in the room aside Goshen). “You are going nowhere!” “They will not dare enter this room!” one of them thundered. This guy’s loud words confirmed to the waiting lions outside that I was actually in. They warned no further; the next thing we heard was a loud BANG! On the door and it was thrown open. Even at that, the guys with me blocked the door, preventing the intruders from getting in. I was already feeling my trousers get wet or should I say “chill”. My protectors did not last long as they were outnumbered. I was dragged out by an angry face to the open compound. Every door within the compound was locked (Who will not lock his/her door in this situation?). Otedo finally stepped into the circle were I was made to kneel. “You think you could embarrass me in front of the school right?; you feel you could go just like that after what you did to me?” he asked. I never replied to any of his questions. I was a mixture of everything at that moment; Scared of what they will do to me, embarrassed at myself for urinating on my trousers and angry at who is making me go through all this. Otedo stepped out of the circle and was saying something to another person in low tone. What really were they planning to do to me?; I was still thinking about this when I saw 3 guys come into the circle with machetes. I cannot remember the feeling that day, but I know it wasn’t certainly a good one. I was lashed countless number of times with heavy machetes. I screamed in pain as the perpetrators did their job to the cheers of other looking members. I have never felt so much pain and anger in my life like the one I felt that day. As if the lashing wasn’t enough; a red hot knife blade was placed on the right part of my chest. They said it will serve as a reminder next time I want to dare the Blue blades. I was left in the middle of the compound weak and bleeding when they were satisfied. I was very angry at this point; the only thing that kept running through my mind was how to pay Otedo back, even though I knew it was a death warrant I was trying to sign.

I opened my eyes to realize that I was on a hospital bed. “You passed out due to excessive loss of blood and have been lying here for the past 13 hours”. That was Goshen. “Guy where you still in that room when those guys were trying to come in?” I asked him faintly. It was then I discovered that Goshen had burst the ceiling open during the whole commotion and slid his way to the roof of the building! This guy is so sharp; but why did I not think of that, I thought to myself. All the same I was glad (weird right?) I had the beating and torment over with. One thing was certain within me; I was not going to let Otedo go free, even if it meant I sign my death warrant!

EPISODE 7 COMING THROUGH VERY SOON!!!...STAY GLUED

LAST LAUGH - EPISODES 4 & 5

EPISODE 4: TRISHA’S CALL

Almost every guy on campus has to crush on something, a lady. I wasn’t an exemption as my one and only crush back then was Trisha. I still miss her up to this moment. My meeting with Trisha was what I’ll call ‘fate’. Let me narrate the story; I boarded a bus one Tuesday morning enroute school not knowing I had dropped my wallet in the struggle to get in. I had noticed her the moment I got in but I never cared a thing. “what a pretty bus mate I’ve got here” I could remember saying to myself. I arrived the school main gate shortly and it was there and then it dawned on me that I was wallet-less and above all money-less. I cannot describe how I felt that day; if there was anything I hated the most, it was being embarrassed by not just anybody but a bus conductor. Trust me, those guys have got a Ph. D in embarrassment techniques. I was still massaging my pockets when I heard “for two”. Trisha had noticed my misfortune and had decided to bail me. I thanked her for saving me the embarrassment of losing my shoes or my bag (bus conductors always look out for those from unfortunate fellows). It was an embarrassing day but I had to get over it. We walked into the school together, but parted ways when she got to her department (she was a 200 level student of the Department of Radiography). We never exchanged contacts that day (Not that I never thought of it); I was just too embarrassed to ask for her phone number. Even while we talked along the way, I still felt uneasy. I can remember asking questions like “What’s your name dear?”, “Are you a student of this university?”, “Hope the school is treating you well?”, “You are very light skinned, I like your skin colour, do you bleach?”(Oh God!, really?!, did you just ask that?). Trisha was quite a mature girl and understood my predicament.

About three (3) weeks had passed and I had forgotten about the bus incidence and the person of Trisha. The first semester examinations were drawing near; in fact, we could perceive it. Everybody became very serious and intimidating. Night classes were more populated than day classes this period. The most amusing thing about the night classes then was the behavior of some of the students. Some will dress as though we were in the winter season (“in Nigeria?!”); others will bring a bag full of junk foods (bread, biscuits, meat pie, juice, coca cola, caffeine-containing drinks, etc); other will go as far as packaging their home prepared foods in disposable plates to come eat in school; more than half of this students spent their nights setting and snoozing alarms; disturbing the reading of few others who actually knew why they came. It was on one of these nights I met a familiar person again. I had gone outside to stretch a little when I heard two people arguing. The lady, a familiar face and the guy; a not-too-familiar one. The argument had resulted in the lady receiving a souvenir (a slap) from the guy and that was when I intervened. “Hey guy, you don’t have to do that!” I cautioned. “Mind your business dude, this doesn’t concern you!” he shouted back. The lady was already crying and it pissed me greatly. I had wanted to move away but the “lady beater” had gone back to his aggressive interrogation of the lady. “I thought these people came here to read” I said to myself. I moved closer to where they were and tried to reason with the guy on a “man to man” basis but that was my undoing. He left the lady, walked up to me and before I could say anything else, “Boom”!! Was what landed on my left cheek (was I going to turn the right cheek?, nah..). The sound of the slap brought out many students from their various reading positions within the area. I can’t really recall what got into me that night but I can remember forgetting my left hand on his right cheek too; sending more shock waves within and outside the area. It didn’t take long before a large crowd gathered around. A lot of questions were running in people’s mouths; “what happened?” was what everybody seemed to be asking. “Had I done the right thing by retaliating?” I asked myself. “What’s happening here!!?”, a familiar voice thundered. It was then I realized the guy I just offered a “souvenir” is a member of Uche’s gang. Finally I recognized the face; the guy whose head was “mutilated” with a bottle on our matriculation day. Was I in trouble; what is awaiting me?; I’ll find out soon.

EPISODE 5: TROUBLED WATERS

The event of the previous night had really gone viral the following morning. Most of my colleagues had started avoiding me. The reason for this I could not really tell. “Deju, do you know that guy you hit last night?” Goshen asked. “I don’t know bro, and truth be told I don’t care”, I replied. “You should care bro, because that guy you hit is a high ranking member of the Blue blades!”. Goshen further enlightened. “Is that a military or para-military organization?” I asked again. “It is a confraternity bro!; a cult group!” Goshen exclaimed. I became a little bit scared after hearing this; but what will I do?; I just had to do my own thing and try my best to be careful. I could see Uche gaze at me every now and then but did not come close to say anything to me. I kept wondering what kind of package this guys had in store for me. “Hello Deju!”, a familiar voice called out. “Just want to thank you for yesterday”, it was Trisha. “Hey, you are welcome; though I seem to have gotten into bigger trouble”, I replied. I had told Trisha about what fears my retaliation had brought to me. She didn’t seem surprise; she obviously knew her boyfriend was a cultist. “I told him I wanted a breakup and that was what resulted in the argument last night. He wasn’t like this when I initially met him; all of a sudden he smokes, drinks a lot and does a lot of complicated stuff I can’t explain”. She concluded. “No guy is ever like that when you initially meet him” I thought within. I only advised her to be careful and watch her movement. I had my own life to watch out for and my exams to prepare for.

I was lying down on my bed in the evening of that day when my phone rang; it was a number I did not have in my contacts. “Hello?” I spoke. “If you love yourself and your life; you had better not sleep in your house tonight”, a strange voice spoke. Before I could ask any questions, the caller hung up. I was left very confused. The only place I could think of going was Goshen’s place; but adding me, the total number of occupants in one small room will be eight (8). “Dude are you still thinking of comfort in this condition?” I asked myself. I hurriedly took my reading materials, a pair of trousers and a shirt, and hurried to Goshen’s place without even calling him. “What really have I gotten myself into”, I asked myself. My phone rang again; this time it was a known caller. “Guy where are you?”, Goshen asked. “I’m on my way to your place”, I replied. “Okay, please hurry!, there is trouble!”, Goshen concluded and hung up. “What trouble again other than the one I’m already in?”, I asked silently. The first call had really put fear in me up to the extent my knees were trembling as I moved. I’m not used to this kind of life God knows.

EPISODES 6 & 7 COMING THROUGH SOON....

LAST LAUGH - EPISODES 2 & 3

EPISODE 2: MY BEST FRIEND

Out of all the friends I had, one actually stood out; Goshen. He was someone I picked from the many due to his character and carriage. He was a tall, dark skinned igbo guy, who was about five (5) to six (6) years older than me. Handsome?; nah let’s just not talk about that. He had observed the incidence that occurred between me and Uche the previous day and as usual, called me to a private place at our lecture-free time to give me a talk (bullets as he called it). “Uche is a system man!, so whatever you are doing just thread with caution; he can be very dangerous!” Goshen warned loudly. I never really knew what being a system man is. “Who is a system man?” I asked anxiously. It was then I understood that Uche was a cultist. After all the bad things that happen to those guys, I just wondered why someone in his/her right senses would belong to such. I had then resolved that whatever the case may be, I’ll do my best to avoid Uche and his league of friends. The matriculation date was announced and I could feel the excitement within me. Everybody in class seemed to have a unique plan for that day. “My family will come in from the US to attend my matriculation”, that was Tessy; “I’m expecting my new car from my parent on that day”, that was Ezinne; “I’ll be travelling to the village to see my old parents on that day”, that was definitely Goshen. His own thoughts and plans; uniquely weird. My own plans were simple, my parents will not be available that day so I’ll just take pictures with my colleagues and then have a few bottles and then go home. I couldn’t help but observe Uche; he seemed to be the most excited. His voice could be heard from the four corners of the long lecture hall were we sat awaiting the lecturer. “Thank God that guy is not my friend” I said softly to myself. “He could easily lead you to trouble”. Lectures ended quite late on that faithful day (at about 07:10 PM) and I had parted ways with my pal Goshen at Oroko junction when suddenly I heard a lady’s voice, “Thief! Thief! My phone! The so-called thief ran past me and I was too shocked to grab him. “We just ended lectures about 20 minutes ago and this guy is out here embarrassing himself”. I felt really disappointed at him (Yes, you guessed right), Uche. Some of the chasers walked up to me and angrily asked why I did not grab the thief. I was scared at first by the way they approached me; but had to say something. “Honestly I did not see him coming” were the few words I could mutter. He had escaped today; what about tomorrow?

EPISODE 3: MATRICULATION FIESTA

The “red letter day” finally came. The school was over populated on that faithful day. Cars were parked both inside and outside the university premises. Every caliber of person was present; the classy, the churchy, the slay queens, the oldies, etc. I felt a little bit disappointed my parents were not available; but that soon died out when I noticed that several other colleagues of mine were also in that condition. The matriculation ceremony was a brief one. It lasted for just about an hour and thirty minutes and everybody was off to the business of the day; taking pictures, eating, drinking, etc. I was still lost in the excitement when someone tapped me from behind; it was Uche. “I want to thank you for yesterday, I know you saw me and I know you had every opportunity to grab me; but you didn’t; thanks once again” he concluded. “You are welcome” I retorted and off he went. I had wanted to ask him some questions but I remembered I had to mind my business, so I just gave up. “Some things aren’t just right about this guy” I thought. It only took a few minutes and I was back in the excitement again. We took a lot of pictures that day, drank everything we could (beer and softs inclusive) and ate everything we could as well. While the whole excitement was still going on, I sensed there was some sought of distraction coming from somewhere not too far from where we were. It did not take time before the distraction became noticed by everybody around. We moved to the scene and observed that a guy’s face was covered in blood. Someone had shattered a bottle on his head and ran away. The guy covered in blood was Otedo, Uche’s very close friend. They had been drinking when a misunderstanding ensued. “We go visit that guy!” were the words that kept coming out of his mouth as his friends (Uche inclusive) rushed him to a nearby clinic. “Who should visit who?; the ‘wounder’ or the ‘wounded’”; I innocently thought.

EPISODES 4 AND 5 COMING THROUGH SHORTLY...

LAST LAUGH

Tales from a fellow in distress

My name is Dejuma, a native of Abika village in Cross River State. I have had majority of my life experiences in the city of Calabar, the capital of Cross River State. What you are about to read is not meant to scare you but to warn you about the DANGERS of cultism!

I sat for the Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME) popularly known as JAMB in the year 2011. After waiting for about a week or two, the results were out, I was successful. I wrote the Aptitude Test for the University of Calabar later that year (2011) and was granted admission into the Faculty of Law for a five (5) year program. God knows my joy was boundless that faithful day I checked my admission status and discovered I was admitted. Every student in the Nigerian tertiary education system knows it’s not easy to gain admission into the university. Some people have got to wait 3, 4, 5 years or more just to gain admission into the university. Here I was; finally living my family house to be a man of my own. The feeling brought both fear and happiness to me. Fear because I had never lived on my own before, and happiness because I was going to have a life free of Daddy and Mummy’s curfew. As the days drew nearer, I became more anxious. The “university feeling” was taking over me. “I’m finally getting in!” was the feeling that kept ringing in my mind. Dear readers, little did I know that my life was never going to remain the same again. The following events are recorded exactly as they occurred. It had to take a lot of convincing for this story to get through.

EPISODE 1: FRESHERS TEAM

Every newbie in the university is known as a fresher. I checked into my faculty on a sunny Monday afternoon to get information on the necessary requirements for new students. That was when I met Uche. He was also a fresher but was more accustomed to the system of the university and faculty, having passed through the diploma programme. “Good day bro, please where can I find the administrative office?” I asked. “Just move to the end of the passage then turn left”, he replied absent mindedly. I never really cared about the manner of approach, I just wanted to get my registration over with and head for classes. It took me about a week or two to finish my screening with the faculty and start lectures. I came to realize that learning in the university was very different from the secondary school. Here, lecturers never cared whether you were listening to them or not; they just wanted to deliver their piece and then they are off when their time expires. Adapting to the new system wasn’t easy at all for me. I struggled for the first few weeks in class and I belief it was very obvious on me, being one of the youngest students in my class. Making friends wasn’t a problem for me; I was a very sociable person and this brought me good fortune and regrettably, bad fortune. It was just a matter of time and I was one of the popular figures in class. Young, handsome, and above all, intelligent. Every guy and every lady wanted to be close to me (well, not every guy).

I was entering the lecture venue for one of my courses one day when I accidentally bumped into a guy, throwing all the books he held, on the floor. “Dude are you blind! What’s wrong with you?”, it was Uche. He never gave me the chance to apologise before attacking. It seemed as though he was looking for an opportunity to eat me up. “I’m sorry bro, never saw you coming”, I said. “You had better watch your movement in this area else you’ll get what you are looking for!” Uche came back. Hearing this words I began to reason within myself what I had actually done to deserve all those words from Uche. Lord knows I was heavily distracted from lectures that day. My thoughts had taken a great hold of me.

EPISODES TWO AND THREE COMING THROUGH SOON...

Please  don't just read, drop your comments as well, thanks.

5 STEPS TO MAKING YOUR DAY A SUCCESS

When you wake up in the morning do you have these questions in your mind?

What will I be doing today?

What will my day be like?

What am I supposed to do today?

Did I book any appointments today?

What day is today?

What's today's date?

Funny as some of this questions might be, people really do ask such questions and you might just be one of those persons. However, there are certain steps in which when applied will be of great help to you; saving you the embarrassment of asking yourself funny questions in the morning. Trust me, you do not want to get the morning pissed off! 

PRAYER: Well this works for me; being a very religious person. There is this relaxed feeling you get after committing your day to the hands of the creator. You will really need to be in that state of mind(relaxed) in order to think your way through.  

A PLAN AND A BUDGET: If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail. This is a popular saying which if analysed closely is the truth about life. Those who succeed in life are those who have used their brains effectively, and have spent time putting things to paper. Do you want to succeed today?; Get your writing materials (Pen/Paper), recall the activities of the previous day and then link them to the present. That way, you will be able to create a connection with the activities of the previous day, thereby effectively managing the present. Do you think you will need to spend money today?; After carefully outlining your activities on a paper, you can attach monetary value to those that will call for it. That way, money will not be underspent or overspent. 

EXECUTION OF PLAN: The true test of a successful planner is his/her ability to execute. Don't just plan your day, move out to execute everything you put down. A good plan executioner must be time conscious else he/she will not meet up. Start executing your plans on time to avoid a spill over.

EVALUATION: This is carried out at the end of your day's activities. Where you able to achieve your set goals?; What time-consuming factors affected the execution of your day's plans?; Did your budget run at a deficit or surplus?; What factors affected your budget implementation?; etc. 

MAKE ADJUSTMENTS: The evaluation stage is meant to detect lapses in the implementation of the plan. After this lapses are detected, it is necessary that you make adjustments were necessary. This will help you plan better the following morning. No plan is error-free, hence adjustments are very necessary to achieve a more successful planning.

There is this happiness you get when you not only plan your day's activities, but achieve them. Wish you a successful day.

Golden Odey 

15 BEST WEBSITES TO GET LAW BOOKS/MATERIALS

I am not trying to be caste sensitive here but only those in the field of law in the university/law school, will find this most beneficial. I have heard stories of law students saying there are little or no law materials on-line. I have decided to proof them wrong by compiling a list of websites you can get this materials. Are you a law student/scholar, looking for websites where you can get law materials, articles, source books, etc.? You are surely in the right place as below lies a list of carefully compiled websites were you can get what you are looking for in little or no time. 

1. www.courses.lawstudysystems.com
2. www.lawbooklist.com
3. www.kaptest.com
4. www.iproject.com.ng
5. www.lawschooltoolbox.com
6. www.hg.org
7. www.washlaw.edu
8. www.bdlawdigest.org
9. www.nounportal.org
10. www.sandiego.edu
11. www.cali.org
12. www.freebookcentre.net
13. www.educationobserver.com
14. www.examrace.com
15. www.careerlauncher.com

Wish you the best of luck in your Academic pursuit

Golden Odey